Monday, February 26, 2007
Love in the Club
I recently had a female friend ask me why she doesn't get approached when she goes out to the club. She's attractive and she knows it, but it baffles her that men won't make that move.
"She looks salty"... "She doesn't look approachable"... "She won’t be interested in me"... "I will make a fool of myself"...
These are just some of the thoughts that run through men's minds in the dating world when it comes to meeting new women. These insidious thoughts cause a lot of us to squander opportunities to meet a possible new love interest that could lead to a relationship (in one way or another). This happens to even the most outgoing people. Why does this fear of rejection get the best of us?
You know what I'm talking about. How many times have you been out at a club, business function or even the grocery store and set your eyes on someone that you thought physically attractive but failed to take the initiative to speak? You see them leave the building and they vanish from off the face of the Earth, never to be seen again.
You think "Damn, I should've said something"... after the fact.
This is definately true from a male perspective, but on the female side, things seem to be a little different. While men worry about the idea of being the aggressor and the fear of possibly getting rejected, gender roles tells women that they are supposed to be approached. Yet I hear from women all the time that they don't get approached when they go out. And if they do get approached, it's in a disrespectful or unwanted manner.
Why is that? Is it ALL the guys fault? Nah...
While guys are expected to make the first move, women who want to be approached should be doing a better job of making themselves approachable and sending clear messages that they are interested. This includes scaling down the entourage by six or seven friends when they go out and by showing that they're having a good time being out.
There's nothing worse than approaching a female who you think may be interested through mixed messages ...while she's with her 9 friends... and having to deal with the whispers coming from the friends about what you look like, what you're wearing, what you're saying etc. It's too much of a hassle sometimes and most guys (not all) would rather just go without it or try to catch them while they're alone. If women want more men to approach them at a club they should travel in smaller groups of two or three.
Also, giving men a sign that you're interested would also help the process. If you must go out with the entire crew, try to make eye contact with the guy you're interested in. It'll make things much easier for everyone. He'll know that you're interested and reassured that his approach will not be a botched effort. Often times, it seems like women want a particular guy to approach them, but make no efforts to let him know it.
Most importantly, dressing the part makes a huge difference as to what kind of attention women attract. Wearing that tight turtle neck that unapologetically mashes your breasts together and makes them pop out the top will only attact the horny crowd. This is common sense for most, but a lot of women that dress that way seem to genuinely want to attract a man for longer than one night. If he doesn't think you respect yourself, he won't respect you.
The dating game sucks, but we play. So if we're going to play it, let's play it efficiently.
...but on second thought, maybe looking for true love in the club is pointless.