Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Women...Snatching the Cat Back in '08?

I snatched this from a friend of mine in NC (no pun intended). Carah is urging women to be more careful in rushing into sex w/ men. Mo' hate in '08? Thoughts?


Has a guy ever hit you with this line: “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”


After all the phone conversations, flirty texts on the daily, fun times lounging out at each other’s apartments/condos/houses and passionate nights…and mornings… and afternoons… and weekends – and he’s not ready to commit? WTF?!

“Well, I mean, that’s cool,” some of us manage to mumble with a strained smile and phony nonchalance – realizing that the instead of being ½ of a ‘deep connection’ we thought was so real, ol’ boy viewed us nothing more than a glorified cut buddy. We immediately change the conversation topic to avoid any more embarrassment. Inside we’re both hurting and fuming.

Perhaps you’ve been in a situation where the man wants an open relationship or insists on ‘taking it slow.’ Or if your boy is really bold, maybe he ‘doesn’t believe in titles.’

>Excuse me while I roll my eyes in the worst way<

Ladies, it’s time that we stop going for the pathetic okeydoke and stop falling prey to the lame @ss excuses from the menfolk. In the words of the unforgettably raunchy rapper Khia, it’s time to SNATCH THE CAT BACK (Should I really be quoting the chick who’s biggest – and only– solo hit was, “My Neck, My Back”? Well, that’s besides the point…)

Men get sex too often and too easily nowadays. The ‘chase’ is practically non-existent, as many of us lay down with guys waaa-aaay too soon. Why? Because:
*** He looks good
*** He has $$$ and we want him to keep spending
*** He took us out one time and now we want to show our appreciation
*** We want him to continue to like us or like us more
*** We’re lonely
*** _____________ (fill in your own reason)

In speaking to various male friends, picking their brains on this subject for the sake of all female-kind, I’ve been schooled that if a man can get it too easily, he’ll lose interest quickly. I know, I know -- it's not a major bombshell or discovery, but it's a fact that we all too often forget in our 'Sex and the City'-esque lives.

Now of course in the heat of the moment, men will dispute this claim vehemently. Does this sound familiar: “My last girlfriend and I had sex on the first date” or “We’re adults – if we both want to, what’s the problem?”

Indeed, you are an adult and have the freedom to do whatever the heck you want. But don’t be mad when the situation at the beginning of this note plays out time and time again.

Women, listen closely: We have a lot more control with men than we think we do.

So make him WAIT. Make him WORK FOR IT. Make him EARN IT. Go OUT on DATES (clarification: a ‘date’ is not watching DVDs at his crib every other night). Challenge him to get to know you as an individual outside the bedroom first – your likes, dislikes, hobbies, quirks, dreams and aspirations.

Will this guarantee commitment? ABSOLUTELY NOT. However, you’ll see what the guy is all about. And if he doesn’t stick around after the second date because you’re not an easy lay, well f--- ‘em (no, not literally!). And the guys that are willing to wait are quite possibly fellas we should take seriously.


Let’s stop playing ourselves, ladies. That’s why some of y’all are putting ‘it’s complicated’ in the relationship status box of your FB pages. He’s getting it on the regular. You’re confused about where y’all stand couple-wise. And he’s content with the undefined arrangements.

I know this sounds totally ‘after school special’-ish and similar to a part of somebody’s mama’s ‘Birds and the Bees’ schpiel, but there’s truth to it. I’m not being prude or corny. I’m been 100% honest, having learned this lesson from life experiences, guy friends and numerous homegirls who have confided in me, confused and distraught because their boo wouldn’t commit.

So let’s elevate in 2008.

Lock it down ladies, and see the results. Not only will you move up from booty call status, you’ll get some nice dinners and movies out of the deal. Lol. We have the ‘p’, and though we seem to forget, ‘p’ is a very powerful thing.

Is it difficult? Yup – but there are ways to cope: vibrators, flicks and Zane, to name a few (hey, a sista is just being real). Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying it’s wrong to give it up. Just make sure you are giving it up on YOUR terms, not his.

Snatch the cat back y’all, and I guarantee you’ll be treated like the Queen that you know you are by a KING... not given the run around by a wannabe PLAYA.


Jermel said...

Carah, this comment is for you...

I find the title funny. So women are going to snatch it back? I didn't know men had it. Be honest with yourself. Every once in a while you wanna get broke off, so if you give it up to a dude early just understand that it was a jump off and move on. Sex will not keep a GOOD man around and witholding sex won't keep a GOOD man around either. I'm more likely stick with a woman who has a career and can maintain a home before I'll stick with one who just has good sex. 'P' is powerful but it's not that powerful. All I'm saying is don't deprive yourself for the sake of keeping men in line. We're not suppose to be sworn enemies you know.

kim said...

Right on girl! Let these sorry men know we're not taking any stuff this year. I snatched the cat back a loooong time ago. It works.

Eb the Celeb said...

Snach the cat back... that has a nice ring to it... better than alexyss tylor' pussy power

C. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C. said...

Hi. My name is Carah Herring (clbherring@gmail.com) and I am the author of this piece. I've been amusingly overwhelmed by the feedback this article has received ever since I posted it on Facebook.

In regards to your comments, Jermel, points well taken. I don't think men are our sworn enemies -- I love y'all! However, I think sex and relationships are very touchy issues. And I would dare to assert that very few women can realistically have 'sex with no strings attached' or handle 'getting broke off' on the regular with no committment.

Of course we FRONT like we can -- until we see y'all taking another girl out on dates. Then we snap -- getting possessive, going through your phone on the low, getting overly territorial and emotional. But WAIT, it was a 'no strings attached' situation, so we're not supposed to be that deeply invested. But we are. Let me stop, because that's another article in itself...

I can't speak for all women, but I believe at the end of the day, we ladies desire to be loved and respected by a good man. Sex is great, but as you even stated in so many words, sex alone won't keep anyone around after more than a couple weeks or months. And though men can merely 'understand
that it was a jump off and move on,' it's not as easy for a woman to shrug off the issue. But of course you wouldn't understand, because you're not a woman.

Thanks for the love and look out for my next piece.

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Anonymous said...

Yall aint snatchin nuthin back. Females like dick to much.

kasapatu said...

anonymous am feelin you on that one,word ma frend ....word