This post comes from one of my beloved AKA/Theta Pi sorors. In it she dicusses the Game that men and women play and the consequences that come along with it. Stats suggest that the great majority of relationships and marriages endure at least one instance of infidelity (regardless of whether the other mate will ever find out or not). Is cheating in a relationship inevitable?
Marcie is challenging you to be honest in your relationship...but if you're going to play the game, play it responsibly. It's a dirty game...
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Tupac: The Great Philosopher once said..."got my game...from our women"
Despite his tendency for a prophetic word, I think I must disagree.
To be fair, I did get my ESP, attention to detail & ability to avoid "sloppiness" from women (yes, this is going to be another relationship blog so stop reading now if you want), but I definitely learned the game from men.
Anyone who knows me, knows the majority of my friends (with the exception of my chapter sorors and a few other girls) are men. In fact, my best friend of 15+ years is a man and my closest males friends are Kappas (see my friends list). I only state these facts b/c most of my female friends would say that they (Kappas) are the absolute worse (for those with Greek affiliations) when it comes to guys telling you what they think you want to hear...code: NOT the truth.
(Disclaimer: Yes, I know (and there are) several dishonest Alphas, Ques, athletes, GDI's, etc...stay focused; Kappa bashing isn't the point of this blog.)
In fact, two major reasons I question whether I'll get married is exactly my understanding of men. In my experience (with even the most wonderful men), I believe (and have been told repeatedly by them) that all men (95% or higher) cheat. So, I technically understand that isn't ALL, but the odds of anyone (or me) ending up with one who doesn't (or wouldn't) is ummm, unlikely at best. What's even worse for me is my ability to catch a cheater. Do I instantly assume a man is cheating and start checking his pockets, messages and violate his privacy in other ways? Nope, not at all! I just ask questions and put the pieces of information together like a puzzle.
Anyone who knows me knows that I incessantly ask questions (of everyone) and have learned about the world in this way since I could talk so it's normal for me to seek lots of information. I also have a memory and a web of connections that makes me a force to be reckoned with when it comes to the flow of information I can/do receive. And most importantly, I learned my game from men. Does this mean I never get caught up? Of course not. I have emotions and get caught up with the best of them, but I keenly understand "the game" from a man's P.O.V.
This knowledge and my early experience mastering the game (I was the sickest player in my prime...who, despite my conquests and trail of broken hearts, remain friends with most of the guys I dated, teased or pleased) makes me even more opposed to playing the game (or getting played by the game) as an adult. The game is ugly, the streets are real and the consequences (pregnancy, STD's, hurt, etc.) are high.
Yes, the fear of loss for men is great. It causes many of them to enter in binding agreements (i.e. exclusive dating/sex or marriage) because they are too afraid of letting someone go. However, the selfish desire to have more than one and/or the desire to find the best one (even after an existing commitment) often trumps these binding agreements. Sadly. Thus, there are many who refuse to let the game go. If you are one of those who enjoys playing the game, AT LEAST get on the adult version of the game...Code: the TRUTH.
In 2008 (and beyond), I challenge all the "players" out there to be honest. Be honest with yourself and the people you date, or in some cases, are engaged/married to. Honesty, really is the best policy...and really, who can hate you for telling the truth? Not telling it doesn't change it! Besides, the truth ALWAYS comes to light...sometimes it just takes time...and people are always more upset about something when they've been lied to, duped or embarrased than they might have been otherwise.
I hear men groaning..."women don't want to hear the truth;" "women can't handle the truth;" "etc, etc." For those with these objections to embracing the ADULT game, I say the following:
1) Women, families and healthy relationships can't handle the consequences (refer above) of NOT knowing the truth. 2) Women can handle childbirth and broken hearts of ourselves and our friends...we can handle the truth. 3) No one, despite their best arguments, can justifiably be upset with you for giving them full disclosure and the ability to CHOOSE whether they get involved with you given your desire to date other people, etc. 4) Your word and reputation are all you have in this life. No one will ever like all your decisions, but at least they will respect you for them when you're honest...code: INTEGRITY.
And lastly...if you are a woman playing the dirty game...this blogs for you too. The more any of us continue this, the more families (esp the black family) will continue to be dismantled. In 2008, I want to see steps forward, not back.
If you make New Year's resolutions (or simply commit to constant growth and self-improvement), I hope this blog will encourage/convince/inspire you to leave that relationship BS in 2007.
5 comments:
If so many men AND WOMEN cheat (and I believe they do), then why do we make such a big deal of it? If it is common - not to be confused with right, why do we make it such a relationship-ending act. I take cheating seriously - very seriously. But I don't think infidelity should always automatically lead to the end of a relationship ... especially if its inevitable/unavoidable.
Men are cheaters by nature. That will never change. So what is the point of getting married when you know those vows are going to be broken?
This is why I've adopted the new creed: "If you're married you're married, if you're not you're not." (Let that one soak in for a minute.) Until I say "I do" and recite those vows to my wife, I am under no obligation to be monogamous. Now this doesn't mean you should have 10 different women up until your wedding day; that would be like quitting heroin cold turkey. What it does mean is that until I feel strongly enough about a woman to propose to her, the field is essentially open. Most women feel you can play married before you get married which doesn't work. Either you're married or you're not. So stop asking guys for monogamy and start asking them to care about you. If they care about you at least they'll wear protection if they do stray. And guys as much as our egos can't stand it, we have to accept the same terms. Monogamy doesn't start until marriage. Any sex before that is wrong so what difference does it make who it's with.
Women play this game too. Men are cheaters by nature they are conquers, who because of the political correct soceity that we live in they say what they think you want to hear. Other society such as asia and the middle east they still have a wife and girlfriends. They are called "open" relationships.
Kim - Women break the vows too... just ask the married women that cum to me on their lunch breaks.
Honesty is the best policy, but most people assume that a relationship is monogamous.
"So what is the point of getting married when you know those vows are going to be broken?"
You should still get married. Just use different vows. Or use traditional ones knowing that they could be broken. I just think its sad that we give so much attention and energy to something that doesn't have to be as "relationship-defining" as we make it.
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