"Making Love Like We Was Just Two Heated Animals"

"I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."
-R. Kelly

*blink blink*

Are you f***ing serious???

For years people have debated on whether or not R. Kelly (the guy in the Purple leather outfit to your immediate right) is the all-time King of R&B. He's had a very successful career and has had his share of ups-and-downs, most notably a five-year-and-counting legal bout of child pornography charges.

Has his career been fruitful? Yes. Is he a good song writer? Sometimes. Is he the greatest R&B singer of all-time? ...

I personally have never owned an R. Kelly album and I probably never will. Not because he doesn't have good commercial hits, but simply because he has lost his mind. When was the last time somebody seriously used the word "Midget" in an R&B song or talked about "having sex in the kitchen by the buttered rolls?" Are these the lyrics of a musical genius?

On top of that, The R seems to have only two subject matters that seem to be in direct conflict with one another: sex and Jesus.

Well folks... the lyrics below, from his new album, take the cake. I can never ever take him seriously again after this. In the words of one of my frat brothers, unfortunately, he has worse lyrics on the album. Because of R. Kelly I can no longer eat Skittles, Ape call, or respect astronauts.

-----------------------------------------

R. Kelly the Zoo Lyrics

(Verse 1)
It's like a jungle atmosphere
And we're two monkeys baby
It's like we're on a vine
The way we're swinging it baby
See, you're a tiger girl
The way you're scratching me
I'm a lion
In this jungle I'm a king
Girl, I got you so wet
It's like a rain forest
Like Jurassic Park
Except I'm your sex-a-saurus baby
You and me hopping
Like two kangaroos
Rattling and moaning
Out here in these woods

(b-section 1)
Ooo ooo ooo ooo
Aaa aaa aaa aaa
Those are the sounds I wanna hear
When you're moaning in my ear
Girl you're singing to me
Ooo ooo ooo ooo
Aaa aaa aaa aaa
You got me locked up in your cage of ecstasy
And I don't wanna be free cause it's

(Chorus 1)
Wild like a zoo
And that's the way I like it baby
Crazy me and you
Making love like we was just two heated animals
Baby come and lay with me in my jungle

(Verse 2)
Ooo, I swear I'm about to go
Turn your body around and beat the skins like it's a bongo
A thousand birds up out the tree
Girl, like a swarm of bees
That is how it's gonna be
Climaxing you and me
Touch the root of your soul
Let Mother Nature take control
Over us is rain and leaves
So come on girl
Let's plant these seeds, yeah

(b-section 2)
Ooo ooo ooo ooo
Aaa aaa aaa aaa
Baby, those are the sounds I wanna hear
When you're moaning in my ear
Singing

Ooo ooo ooo ooo
Aaa aaa aaa aaa
(Oh yeah)
You got me locked up in your cage of ecstasy
And I don't wanna be free cause it's

(Chorus 2)
Wild like a zoo
And that's the way I like it baby
Crazy me and you
Making love like we was just two heated animals
Baby won't you come and lay in my jungle

(Bridge)
Ya'll don't understand
Like two cheetahs running free
African butterfly to me
You're my safari fantasy
Girl this is heaven to me
Baby we are like coconut and banana trees
(It's a tropical)
Tropical chemistry
Like the wild life
I'm doing you baby
(I'm doing you baby)
You're doing me baby
(You're doing me baby)
It's you and me
(It's you and me)
Going wild

(Chorus 3)
Wild like a zoo
And that's the way (Oh baby) I like it baby
Crazy me and you
Making love like we was just two heated animals
So baby come and lay with me in my jungle

(I don't wanna break free 'cause this is)
Wild like a zoo
Just the way I like it baby
Crazy me and you
Making love like we was just two heated animals
Girl come and lay with me in my (lay with me) jungle

(Girl I like it cause it's)
Wild like a zoo (Wild like a zoo)
Crazy me and you (Crazy me and you, Yeah)
Heated animals (Heated animals)
Girl come and lay with me in my jungle

(Outro)
And the whole jungle goes
ooo ooo ooo ooo
aaa aaa aaa aaa

ooo ooo ooo ooo
aaa aaa aaa aaa

ooo ooo ooo ooo
aaa aaa aaa aaa

ooo ooo ooo ooo
aaa aaa aaa aaa

Ignorance: not being able to respect Astronauts after listening to an R. Kelly album.