Friday, June 8, 2007
Is There REALLY a Black Man Shortage?
I don't think there is. There are plenty eligible professional black males out there, but it seems that women overlook us in search of that six-figure brother who owns several properties, looks like Denzel Morris Underwood, drives a 5-Series Benz, wants to have 1.5 children, who goes to church every Sunday, who totally honors commitment, who puts it down in the bedroom, who's sh!t smells like Kenneth Cole Black, etc. ---and the list goes on and on.
...Or on the flipside, a thug dude who they KNOW is no good, yet offers that "bad boy" excitement and can... you guessed it! Hit the bottom.
I know Brothers on both sides of the spectrum. Even Brothers that are making that six-figure salary tell me how they are annoyed when they are at an event or function, are about to engage in a conversation with a young lady, and the VERY first thing she asks him is "So what do you do?" The continuation, or ending of that conversation hinges on the next few words that come out of their mouths. For my six-figure friends, they have told me that they either are 1) turned completely off by having to go through the interview and cut the conversation short or 2) use it as leverage to have a quick physical relationship with that woman. They KNOW the are in demand and unapologetically use it to their advantage. For my brothers that are in that 50K salary range, a lot of times, the conversation is cut short by the woman and she moves on to the next "eligible" brother.
To make it even more interesting, it seems that many women will accept Denzel Morris Underwood's infidelity and knowingly compete with other women to get this man. Some will essentially put themselves on standby for this guy while he does his thing in hopes that he will choose her. It then seems like there is a 3:1 Black women to every Black man ratio.
The outcome is that women are passing over "average" brothers and playing themselves by chasing the brother that SEEMS to complete "The List." As result, perception becomes reality, and there is a so-called Black Man Shortage.
It seems like brothers in the middle get no love.
Or so says my boy Solo, who wrote a brief response for me to the so-called "Black Man Shortage." Read his response, soak it in, and sound off! Is there REALLY a black man shortage? Or are brothers just not stacking up to "The List"?
As a black male who has spent a great deal of his life single, I don't believe there's a male shortage, but I do think that timing is off between some men and women. For instance, I consider myself a gentleman and a scholar, have never been arrested and am educated. In college I never had a girlfriend because I didn't have a car or a lot of money. I got a lot of attention from white women and Asian girls for some reason, even though I never dated any of them. Black women were angry with me for that, even though I never did anything and they didn't seem to want me in the first place, so basically I was just stuck.
Fast forward almost four years later. I have a decent job and wear nice clothes. I have an old car, but it's payed for and the only debt I have is my college loans. I help take care of my mother who has had a hard time finding work. I don't drink and have never done drugs. I have no children and I think I'm reasonably decent looking.
All that being said, the only difference between me now and back when I was in college is that women have changed. My personality is the same, my character and integrity are the same. Black women have changed. They want different things when they "grow up". Men like me have a difficult time when we're younger, because we're not "cool" and don't know how to "spit game" and whatever else makes a man attractive to a young black woman.
I turned 27 this past November and quite frankly feel no loyalty to my so called sisters, since I feel none was shown to me. I would eventually like to meet, date and marry a nice black woman, but the fact is at this point women who would have been eligible when I was younger are no longer eligible. They either have kids now (a no-no) or haven't healed from a bad relationship in which they chose the wrong guy on purpose (I've never been sure about what women's problem is in choosing a man...). NOW they want a man like me. The bottom line is, brothers like me woke up and decided not to wait on black women to notice us, so we either decided to be alone, raise our standards even higher, or date a different race. Me, I have decided to raise the bar, and am prepared to be alone if I don't meet the kind of woman I like.
I'm not putting all the blame on black women, because most of the stuff about the so-called Shortage is true (homosexuality, prison, etc.) but the fact is women tend to make bad choices in men. I know too many women who prefer "thug" types, and would consider young men like myself "lame" (I have been called lame to my face on more than one occasion by black women), or "white" if we do things a little differently. By the time these women (which unfotunately seem to be the majority) wake up, it's too late and there's a bunch of bitter black men who want nothing to do with them for different reasons. That's not the whole issue, but that's a major part of it in my opinion. Men need to carry themselves to a higher standard and women need to make better choices and realize that they are the ones who change, not men. Recognize a good man when he's right in front of you, not when he's far ahead of you and out of reach.
Make no mistake about it. This is merely a generalization and a look at the other side of the coin as some eligible Black males see it. Not all women are overlooking good brothers. But there is definately a large population out there that could have the pick of the litter, but let other factors outside of compatibility dictate who's good enough to be with them. Usually they are the first ones to scream that there are no good Black men left.