Love in the Club

I recently had a female friend ask me why she doesn't get approached when she goes out to the club. She's attractive and she knows it, but it baffles her that men won't make that move.

"She looks salty"... "She doesn't look approachable"... "She won’t be interested in me"... "I will make a fool of myself"...

These are just some of the thoughts that run through men's minds in the dating world when it comes to meeting new women. These insidious thoughts cause a lot of us to squander opportunities to meet a possible new love interest that could lead to a relationship (in one way or another). This happens to even the most outgoing people. Why does this fear of rejection get the best of us?

You know what I'm talking about. How many times have you been out at a club, business function or even the grocery store and set your eyes on someone that you thought physically attractive but failed to take the initiative to speak? You see them leave the building and they vanish from off the face of the Earth, never to be seen again.

You think "Damn, I should've said something"... after the fact.

This is definately true from a male perspective, but on the female side, things seem to be a little different. While men worry about the idea of being the aggressor and the fear of possibly getting rejected, gender roles tells women that they are supposed to be approached. Yet I hear from women all the time that they don't get approached when they go out. And if they do get approached, it's in a disrespectful or unwanted manner.

Why is that? Is it ALL the guys fault? Nah...

While guys are expected to make the first move, women who want to be approached should be doing a better job of making themselves approachable and sending clear messages that they are interested. This includes scaling down the entourage by six or seven friends when they go out and by showing that they're having a good time being out.

There's nothing worse than approaching a female who you think may be interested through mixed messages ...while she's with her 9 friends... and having to deal with the whispers coming from the friends about what you look like, what you're wearing, what you're saying etc. It's too much of a hassle sometimes and most guys (not all) would rather just go without it or try to catch them while they're alone. If women want more men to approach them at a club they should travel in smaller groups of two or three.

Also, giving men a sign that you're interested would also help the process. If you must go out with the entire crew, try to make eye contact with the guy you're interested in. It'll make things much easier for everyone. He'll know that you're interested and reassured that his approach will not be a botched effort. Often times, it seems like women want a particular guy to approach them, but make no efforts to let him know it.

Most importantly, dressing the part makes a huge difference as to what kind of attention women attract. Wearing that tight turtle neck that unapologetically mashes your breasts together and makes them pop out the top will only attact the horny crowd. This is common sense for most, but a lot of women that dress that way seem to genuinely want to attract a man for longer than one night. If he doesn't think you respect yourself, he won't respect you.

The dating game sucks, but we play. So if we're going to play it, let's play it efficiently.

...but on second thought, maybe looking for true love in the club is pointless.

Menace II Society: The NBA All-Star Weekend Edition

Willie from our affiliate site Neosemantics wrote a piece about his experience in Las Vegas for All-Star Weekend. In the post, he talks about the negative images and activities that he witnessed while he was there and raises some questions as to why Black culture is the way that it is and how the rest of the World views us after we all descend on one location. Very interesting read. Here are a couple excerpts...

I attended the NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas this past weekend and all I have to say is, “OH MY GOODNESS!!!” Black Peoples, we are in a world of trouble! Actually, after seeing what I saw this weekend, I am no longer considering myself Black...

A gentleman had on a jacket that read “Rich Bastard” in diamonds, while another gentleman had a huge stack of $20 dollar bills and walked around the casino with them in his hands. Why? ...

The rest of the piece can be viewed at A Black Identity.

Both of our blogs and a host of others can be viewed at rtp411.net under the Retronym portal of the site.

Martiiinnnn...

Today I was in Best Buy and discovered that Martin (Martin Lawrence's 90's sitcom) was released on DVD this month. I picked up the first season. I almost forgot just how funny this show was. I personally believe that it was the funniest sitcom to ever hit television.

I challenge anyone to come up with a funnier show. Towards the end, it got a little stale, but he had a good three or four year run of pure comedic genius. The above clip is one that highlights one of my favorite characters that Martin played on the show.

Dragonfly Jones was a cocky, degenerate "Kung Fu Master" that traveled around the city to teach Karate to people along with his underpaid, "inferior" assistant. The best part was that he always owed his assistant money and would never pay. In return the assistant would kick his ass during demonstrations.

His trademark was trying to intimidate his opponents by doing random, obscure shit since he really didn't know how to fight.

Peep the clip...

THIS IS A PROBLEM!

I've heard of several myths: The Lochness Monster, Unicorns, Ghoulish Sea Urchins, Mythical two-headed beasts, Black men dating black women... and Male Sororities.

Well... I can now say for sure that I have seen one of these things in my lifetime. When these dudes meet up with AKAs, there should be a misunderstanding. This shit is a disgrace...







Ignorance: No need.

Public Break-Up on Valentine's Day at UNC...

This is why I miss undergrad at UNC. Wild stuff like this used to happen all the time in the Pit.

So let me set this up... This guy named Ryan Burke found out a few weeks ago that his girlfriend at NC State had cheated on him. To retaliate, he decided to break up with her in front of the ENTIRE Carolina campus community on Valentine's Day.

She thought that he was going to publicly sing to her to show his love for her... and to possibly take their relationship to the next level. This cat even went as far as to make a facebook event publicizing it to UNC Students--to which I actually received an invitation. Supposedly, over 2,000 people showed up.

This is some real Jerry Springer shit. I'm both digusted and inspired. Damn I miss UNC.

Ignorance: He could've been a little more prepared tho. He had two weeks to think of some shit to say. He just kept saying "I'm so f***ing serious." You can't let your opponent get a word in if you plan to win an argument. Verbal war is still war! Two to the body, one to the head... two to the body, one to the head. Ultimately, I think she was the one "stylin' on 'em."

Amy Winehouse

I'm loving this girl's voice right now. Ghostface Killa actually laid vocals over the above song and kept her vocals on the hook in a song off his new album "More Fish." She even has production from hip-hop producers such as Nas' in-house producer Salaam Remi.

Here's a review of her new album, "Back to Black," from Amazon.com that will be hitting shelves on March 13. This will definately be in my CD collection.

-------------------------------------
Amy Winehouse's second album, Back to Black, is one of the finest soul albums, British or otherwise, to come out for years. Frank, her first album, was a sparse and stripped-down affair; Back to Black, meanwhile, is neither of these things. This time around, she's taken her inspiration from some of the classic 1960's girl groups like the Supremes and the Shangri-Las, a sound particularly suited to her textured vocal delivery, while adding a contemporary songwriting sensibility. With the help of producers Mark Ronson and Salaam Remi, "Rehab" becomes a gospel-tinged stomp, while the title track (and album highlight) is a heartbreaking musical tribute to Phil Spector, with it's echoey bass drum, rhythmic piano, chimes, saxophone and close harmonies. Best of all, though, is the fact that Back to Black bucks the current trend in R&B by being unabashedly grown-up in both style and content. Winehouse's lyrics deal with relationships from a grown-up perspective, and are honest, direct and, often, complicated: on "You Know I'm No Good", she's unapologetic about her unfaithfulness. But she can also be witty, as on "Me & Mrs Jones" when she berates a boyfriend with "You made me miss the Slick Rick gig". Back to Black is a refreshingly mature soul album, the best of its kind for years.

--Ted Kord

...And a Star Was Born

So yeaaaaahh... you might want to stop by xxxchurch.com after this post.

So Ray-J (a.k.a. Brandy's Brother) and socialite (a.k.a. I'm rich but I don't work) Kim Kardashian, best friend to Paris Hilton, have a sex tape that will be hitting shelves pretty soon. Apparently this tape was made three years ago when the two were an item. The above video is a "light" teaser for the debauchery that will follow in the coming weeks.

Supposedly, these two are furious that this tape has made it's way into the mainstream and claim that they had nothing to do with the leak. They both insist that they are appalled that someone would stoop this low to defame their characters and find it disgusting that a $1 million transaction took place with some unknown third party to obtain the footage. Of course we all know that this is complete bullshit...

So here's the thing... neither of these two were relevant in the entertainment industry last week, but this week, when I turn on CNN and other news outlets their names are on the ticker... I turn on the radio and I hear their names... I get on internet explorer and they're on every page...

In a week, this girl went from a nobody to a proverbial star and has landed the cover of Complex Magazine and signed a multi-million dollar deal to endorse a new urban clothing line... In a week!!! ONE Week! I mean I don't think Ray-J has gotten any endorsement deals... but I guess he's getting props for just having a tape out...

And why? ...Because they are having sex on camera.

When did putting out a sex tape become the precursor to being taken seriously in the entertainment industry? When did degrading yourself and getting urinated-on in a film become the golden pass to stardom? It amazes me how people like Paris Hilton become overnight celebrities by giving up the goods for the world to see.

So I pose this situation to you: You travel to L.A. this weekend to visit friends. You guys go out and end up in the company of your favorite, most desired A-List celebrity. You two hit it off and end up back at his or her place. Things get hot and heavy and you're thinking about doing the business. This celebrity mentions "Hey... I have a camera, let's film it." Would your moral code stop you from doing the act altogether, or would you go along for the ride?

Consider that if you decide to go through with the act, you will have a sex tape that would be worth MIL-LI-ONS of dollars (if a Ray-J sex tape gets $1 mil... I'm sure an A-List tape would get more). Also, YOU would be an instant celebrity.

Would you do it? Would you even consider it? Would this not be given ANY consideration at all? Be real...


Ignorance: I wonder how much they are charging for this tape? I mean not that I would even consider buying this filthy garbage and contributing to the deterioration of our society! Hell naw... not me. Shoot... I've got morals! But um...I'm just sayin'... like I just wonder how much it would cost. You know? And um... where... someone... could uhh... buy... one...

*slowly drops head in shame*

PRICELESS...

Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts, respectively, after a tough loss to the Carolina Men's Basketball Team.

The Nigger Experience

"I rebuke you little nigga... the meek shall perish... I'll roof you little nigga... I'm a project terrorist... That's cute you little niggas... Think you in my class?... Substitue little niggas... Soon feel my wrath... I'll mute you little nigga... You a little nigga... I'll child abuse you little nigga... I'm a ill nigga..."

That's me this morning singing in unison with Jay-Z's "Trouble" as I was on the highway listening to Sirius Satellite Radio. Damn! This song got me pumped! I was ready for the day...

Then just as fast as this aggressive song got me amped, I was quickly deflated when the station played the newly leaked racist drunken rants of Paris Hilton at a private party singing "... I'm a nigger and I take it up the ass for coke... I'm a little black whore."



All of a sudden, all the energy and power that I got from Jay unapologetically spewing "THE N-WORD" was turned into disgust, anger and frustration... I wanted to hurt somebody. All of a sudden the world went from billions of people of different nationalities, cultures and races to "Us and Them." I imagined every White person in their cars as they zoomed by shouting "Nigger!!!" at me. I felt small. Vulnerable.

Three hours later I'm listening to a Lil' Wayne song with just as many references to "nigga" as Jay-Z's song. I was unaffected. It's worthy to note that had my mom, or many of those of her generation, heard the same lyrics they would have been a little disturbed, moreso because they are more sensitive to the fact that those lyrics reach more ears than our own. To them, the word is only to be used and heard amongst ourselves behind closed doors -- without exception. Generation X and Y, however, are slowly becoming more accepting of the word's universal appeal, at least as it relates to entertainment. It seems that the word is slowly losing its sting within, and outside of, our community with each passing generation with the caveat to outsiders that they can't use it in a disparaging manner.

What is it about this word that is so confusing? When used amongst ourselves it is an after-thought, but when it is used outside of our circle it is unabashedly polarizing and hurtful. The dichotomy of this word is amazing. It's easily the most derogatory word of any language, complete with the blood and struggle of our ancestors, yet our generation is numb to its original intent, so we use it...

"And the true point of divergence – the indefatigably repetitious and gratuitous use of the most unsavory epithet to the ears of the Civil Rights generation" – “NIGGER!”

Not “nigga.” No reinterpretation. No refinement. Just plain ol' “nigger,” that awful word, still carrying the venom and hatred it distilled when spoken in their time. Attempts to dialogue about the use of this contentious word in contemporary culture is pointless, as any defense of the word has no merit to living witnesses of the suffering and struggle to be treated as equals and not as “niggers” in a society that had for centuries been all to eager to debase and dehumanize their very existence.

The point is that these two “generations” hear something completely different when they hear different variations of the word and this is the real source of disconnection between our generation and the civil rights generation. Thus, its a point of contention left unresolved due to the inherently circular nature of debate. The word cannot be redefined for the elders, and even though it can be extremely hurtful to us, the next generation will never hear it in quite the same manner as we do, or as it was intended at its inception, in part due to its overuse in our daily lives and within a totally different context.

Even still, as much as we mangle the word to make it meaningless, it still stings. I was reminded of that this morning.

Ignorance: Fuck Paris Hilton and KKKramer... and Me!