I'll never forget it... It was a Friday afternoon of my junior year at UNC and I jumped on the campus shuttle on Franklin Street to head back to my dorm. These two girls were behind me and their conversation went something like this:
Girl 1: "Did you get up with Tony yesterday?"
Girl 2: "Yeah girl... I ain't talkin' to him no more... This nigga brought me flowers and candy! Opening doors and all that mess. Lame!"
Girl 1: "For real? loser!"
Girl 2: "I know right... I told him to take that shit elsewhere and I said it just like that!"
Girl 1: "What'd he do?"
Girl 2: "His ass left! *both laughed*.. .what was he supposed to do? A REAL nigga would've checked me..."
Obviously that wasn't verbatim, but it was pretty damn close. I remember thinking... "Woooow! these chicks got major self-esteem issues"...I brushed it off as young girls not realizing and appreciating a good dude.
AFTER college, a couple of my boys made the same mistake of taking flowers or candy (or both) to girls on their first casual outtings. Both of them couldn't figure out why the girls didn't call them back after the first meeting. It was painful to listen to them rationalize where things went wrong and not consider that maybe the flowers and candy thing might've done them in. They then would later tell me how the same girls were now with "less thoughtful" guys. Could it be they were too chivalrous?
Thinking of chivalry, a person usually recalls a time when men saved damsels in distress and women were typically uneducated. In this time long ago, a chivalrous code was developed in order to protect the helpless ladies.
In modern society, women are just as smart and independent as men, and it seems that, often times, chivalry comes off as sexism, forcing women to accept a submissive role , thereby not recognizing their independence. A relationship should be founded on the mutual benefits two people receive from each other’s company, and should consider each individuals’ personality.
Chivalry tries to define how relationships should work by assigning roles based on sex, excluding character contrasts. I'm sure sure these same girls would have appreciated these things once better rapport was established and her independence was recognized, but being too chivalrous too early seemed like a bad move.
I proposed this idea to some female friends in the past. The responses were generally the same: “I want to be independent but it’s nice to have a guy show he cares by doing things for me every so often.”
Seems hard to argue, but my point is this: a guy should do something chivalrous because he is inclined to do so after some sort of relationship is established, not because it is an expected duty of men. Otherwise, you'll be that loser standing on the porch trying to figure out where you went wrong.
Ignorance: I think the girls up top just wanted drama.