Monday, July 2, 2007
Demasculinization: BE A MAN!
Dammit... they got Mr. Clean too
*lowers head in shame*
If you have watched TV in the last few days you have likely gotten
at least another dose of programming that tries to persuade men,
indirectly or directly, not to follow their natural desires as men.
If you saw a Hollywood movie recently, especially a romance movie,
you probably got another dose.
If you watched the news recently, you probably got another dose.
If you read the newspaper, you got a little more.
Just about wherever you go and whatever media you see in our
society, there is a subtle message that if you are too overt about
directly following your desires as a man, the consequences will be
bad or at least embarrassing.
I saw a TV commercial yesterday that was a good example. It was
one of those commercials where they parody adult life by having
kids acting like adults in a business setting. I don't remember
what was being advertised or even fully what happened but since I
am attuned to trying to catch examples of what I call
"demasculinization" I did catch that it was another example
discouraging men from hitting on women, another example trying to
tell you that women have all the power when it comes to selecting
men--never vice versa.
Basically there was a girl receptionist/secretary for a company,
and a boy and a girl (each about 8 years old but acting like
adults, each dressed in business clothing) standing in front of her
desk. The girl was trying to set up a schedule for the week, and
she mentioned having a dinner appointment. The secretary tells her
that appointment has been canceled and the boy coworker volunteers
that he is available for dinner with her. Suddenly everything goes
quiet except for the sound of the creaky wheels of a FedEx delivery
dolly being wheeled across the floor in the background and there is
an uncomfortable look on the girl's face. Then a similar thing
happens where later he again tries to make a pass at the girl, and
this time she ignores him again and you hear crickets.
Granted his approach wasn't so smooth, but regardless the message
guys get at least on some level is that if they follow their
natural desires they are likely to be ignored and or seen as dogs. This is just one
example, but I see countless examples every day.
As men, society tells us not to act on natural desires we have for women. If you find a woman attractive, you have to learn to pursue her instead of hoping she
will let you know she thinks you are attractive. It almost never
happens that way, right ladies?
I have a lot of friends (and I used to be guilty of it too) that will go out to a club and stand around and watch the women dance all night. Even though some women are truly out to just express themselves through the art of dance with their friends (so they say...even though they dress othewise), most women are actually out to dance with guys. Yes...it's true! After the club, guys complain that ALL the women in the club were stuck up, yet they only tried to dance with a few, only to be rejected. And when I say tried, I mean literally walking on a crowded floor and literally asking "Would you like to dance?" Sometimes you have to man up and just dance with her. If you're not confident about it, she will most likely walk away or decline.
Let me give you an extreme example of what life might be like if
men did act on their desires.
I was in the Maryland area a couple months ago, and I have a friend who is a natural when it comes to women. We were at a The LoveJoy Bar in downtown Baltimore. I remember he wasn't even drinking yet but he immediately told a young bartender "I really like your ass!" I was pretty shocked because to some degree, I've been
pretty well brain washed myself not to ever be so overt. I was embarrassed because I thought his approach was rude. I was getting ready to apologize for him or to get thrown out of the spot, but instead she smiled at him. A little later he told her "You have really great tits!" When she passed by again later he said "I
really love your legs!"
Just as I was getting ready for her to go off in a tirade, she
instead comes over and leans in to him and says "I like a man who
isn't afraid to express himself like that. I have a boyfriend,
really I do, but if I didn't, I'd be leaving here with you tonight."
OK, I am NOT suggesting saying these kinds of things to women or that it is common for women to respond positively to such comments--it is likely to backfire if this isn't in your true character. I tell you this story just to illustrate that some part of a woman's psyche is actually programmed to respond to a man who
follows his sincere desires and isn't trying to excuse himself for liking women (note: Not the guy who tries to get with every woman indiscriminately--there's a difference between honesty and desperation). As sophisticated/intelligent as we are as human beings, we overlook the fact that we are sexual beings, and that in order to find a mate, we have to simply let whoever we're interested in know that we're interested.
All to often, we get so caught up in trying to play manipulative games that we miss the honest aspect of just following our desires and saying "Hey... I want you."
Will it work all the time? No. But it will work better than saying nothing?...
BE A MAN!